6:45 a.m. - just came home, read the dirt.

7:15 a.m. - slept.

9:00 a.m. - picked up a call.

9:45 a.m. - went back to sleep.

12:00 p.m. - picked up another call.

12:45 p.m. - practiced alternate picking.

2:00 p.m. - picked up yet another call.

2:30 p.m. - went back to sleep.

9:00 p.m. - time to wake up, went and buy food.

9:45 p.m. - online.

Crazy train.

I was not stoked enough when i lay those punches, i swear if i was, they all would be lethal enough and i could have end up knocking that fella out cold. i did it all i can to persevere all the provocations, until that bastard said something like, "i kicked you, fight back if you dare", and so i whacked the shit out of that fella, he was still considered lucky to not have bumped into me a few years back, if he did he would end up getting hospitalized. in fact after all hes just a yellow haired punk who thinks hes cool, and i treated him as a friend. and it ended up in a brotherly hug and a handshake, a smoke after that. i feel ive changed, the older i grow, the more i bother about my mortality, its true, mick mars said this. i was no longer that stoked lil kid who throw full force punches. as i fought yesterday night, i thought about how i should not hit it too hard, so that id not end up being in jail if hes dead, or how i should hit it not too soft so that id still win the fight, all those factors doesnt even hit my mind if it was just only a few years back, crap?

i feel im being carried away by a crazy train, i was too playful, so when the train arrived at the station, and started taking off again, i jumped and grab hold of the rail handle and got carried away, it started moving real fast that im starting to worry about maybe itll carry me to the end of the world, and itll be a real excruciating if i jump off it right at the moment.


I wanna learn those, yeah, those. =P

To do list.

1. call rita regarding the work schedule.

2. download if i die tomorrow, shout at the devil by mötley crüe.

3. go see gapnap to take lessons.

4. call jeremy.

5. learn parkour, ha ha ha, wtf

no title.

i saw an old heck down the avenue, he seems to be alone playing a beat up piece of shit guitar, nobody noticed him, i wonder whether that would be what im doing 50 years down the road if i failed life.

to those who think i dont write the way as i used to be, just stay away, i dont even bother even if you read, its more diary oriented nowdays, and its my blog and i do what i like o' here.

The opening of Beijing Olympics.

"The story here presented will be told by more than one pen, as the story of an offense against the law is told by more than one witness." -Wilkie Collins 1860 "The Woman In White"

when i was 5, i did not know then what was right and what was wrong, and i lived under the family constitution, everything that i did was in consent of my parents.

when i was 10, i broke free of that and wrote my own rules, still without knowing what was right and what was wrong, but i had fun.

when i was 15, being wild and naive, started to sort out between black n white, mom said i was turning mellow.

when i was 18, i was told that each and everyone has different perception towards certain criteria, and there's a grey are between black n white, which many still dont understand. when they watch a movie, they think that the bad guy is always bad and deserve to rot in hell.

and now i think that, the world is like a huge puzzle, and we're only to see a few tiny pieces of them, of course they are the truths, but an incomplete one, why would people judge and tell me of my doings? they might be holding a more beautiful piece among the thousand but all is required to assemble the whole picture.

i walked passed the steamboat shop and thought of having a dinner there and watch olympics channeled by that big flat projector, but im alone, it'll look just f*cking weird to take up the whole table by myself, they will either laugh or pity me, f*ck!

Life on planet rock.

im listening to avenged sevenfold, the band which inherited the crossover element of iron maiden, mötley crüe and guns n' roses.

back to autobiographies, this time im having with me mötley crüe - the dirt. they say its one of the best but im yet to find out.

i love that blood rush, that when you throw all your stakes into the pot, all in for one shot, and a nice bluff have your balance amount doubled up, it currently stands at $57'950.

Texas Hold'em Poker, the game about life.

it all started with mere one grand of chips, a two dollar table, soon the chips went up to five grands and i moved myself to a twenty five - fifty, and the chips shot up to around thirteen k in no time, and i was so sleepy by that time i lost all of em, i thought ive got a two-pair of Q and 4, and ive raised the bet to an all in five k plus during the showdown only have i realized it was actually a 9 and 4 and lost the high stake, happened a few times like that and there gone all the chips, fuck.

Texas Hold'em Poker!

im hooked to it, just.

the grand oepning of V2 cafe.

i just woke up from after more than 10 hours of dota spree, we're undefeated, but so what?

im feeling unease, what should i do now? where should i go? its a mild sunday evening..


morning is such a wonderful time, as my eye glimpse through the downward sloping street outside the cafe, all under a slow radiant sky, the body is so worn out, not on the inside, im so restless.

why cant the fckin insomnia just fckin go away? i want to sleep, please, im turnin into a fiend...

currently listening to: foreigner - i want to know what love is.

V2 cafe II.

im into reading autobiographies, those in my past list were, slash, tommy lee, eric clapton, anthony kiedis, led zeppelin, and the latest being nikki sixx. i flipped through the last pages of the heroin diaries in the train during the afternoon.

they tend to ask why would i read such books, yeah, such... to me theyre the best ever self helps. their tales are almost the same, torrid tales, lurid lifestyle, outrageous antics, sordid beahaviours, and of course, the alcohols and drugs use, and more often than not, the tragic deaths, of course those who survived death itself lived on to tell a story of triumph and glory, yes, its such books, that tells you life is a journey, not a destination, its particularly a long ride to nowhere, and we don't always get what we want, we get what we're supposed to have instead.

a book of sometimes over four hundred pages of gibberish craps, endless routines about touring, shooting up, getting drunk and passing out, thats very rock n' roll, yeah, but whats more important were that few last pages, which tells you afterall youre the one responsible for pulling things over and give it a one more try.

yes, such books, only such books, that tells you the true tales about life, that tells you life itself is a journey to nowhere, that tells you it takes more than a few bumps and downfalls for us to improve and be just a lil better.

and im back into economic shits, now on tim harford's the logic of life.

V2 cafe.

ok finally got the gears down at the new place, and it took me a vast amount of effort, bought an extra bus ticket just to have them sit beside me, and some pig brought durian up the bus, wtf. and i really dont know why fucking marshall(marshall?) have to make a twenty five watts amp so fkin heavy, and the worst thing to have happened when i reached kl was, the fkin lrt broke down and i was late for an interview.

12:00pm: reached hr and waited for he interviewer to show up which i dont know who, not long then after a man came, he talked and acted as if he's the ceo of maxis, the interview was being done with his leg up the table, but too bad your lil antics are not enough to scare off this big kid ol here.

1:30am: im not grossed, but this fckin retard is watching porn beside me in the cafe, and you know when u fkin do that youll attract attention and people will look at you from the back, and when they look to the right they will see im typing this and cursing you to hell.

lets have a lil bit of guitar talk, only if you understand them, if not ull be all confused...

ok i would say the most beautiful axes mankind has ever come across are the gibson les paul and the fender strat, rose wood fretboard on the lp is just nice and for a strat i prefer it to be a maple neck. for one with locking tremolo arm, ill give the vote to the bc rich mockingbird, or the warlock, i dislike ibanez, and i hate them, and kids nowdays love them so much and when they pull the whammy bar it sounds like shit, never to forget on the lower end models they use only licensed floyd rose.

note: sam just showed me to most close to original ever les paul copy, made by esp japan.

Coffee Net.

i packed my amp and the axe, and uncle came to fetch me to the bus station. locked the door, threw the key back inside to the living room, and went yum cha before we head to the bus station, and shits started happening one fold after another, first before i get down the car i realized ive left my phone at home, so we went all the way, and i was looking for the key to open the door, and fuck i threw it inside. failed to go back to kl today, and thanks uncle chong, youre like a father i never had.

random cool song: foreigner - i want to know what love is.

Back N' Forth.

i woke up ealier today on the way to kl and before i reach the bus stop theres this really weird fella who stands at the midde of the crossroads yelling at the traffic lamp post.

nowdays people dont even know what guns n' roses is, they claim avril lavigne to be the new generation rock star. but come to think of it, guns debut album "appetite for destruction" alone has sold for more than twenty eight million copies, thats all avril's hardwork combined together from 2002 until now, and her sales is at a mere thirty million copies.

i have a really cool song in the phone but didnt know about the band and the song name, at the end i found out it was grenade - rainmaker.


tagged by Hsu Yan.

1.What are your goals/dreams?
-to be high everyday, ha ha! joking, my goal will be to live a carefree life.

2. The most happiest thing in your life?
-the day i picked up the guitar and strum my first chord which actually sounded like something.
-i found my world in reading hell lot of books, ha ha again, wtf.
-im given a chance to live.

3. Favourite colour?
-black and white, im monotonous.

4. Do you have a crush now? How did you know each other?
-wow that was a long time ago, through msn.

5. Where do you wish to go the most? Why?
-LA, being the shrine of rock n' roll.
-China , i recently read a book titled "the forbidden city", would like to go and have a look, ive always love it beautiful china looked on the tv, yet to find it out myself.
-Tokyo, fast and furious, yea!

6. What is your weakness that you can't stand the most?
-having yet to handle affairs in a matured way, as in, without emotions involved.

7. What will you do if you face something sad?
-go play dota.
-listen to rock n' roll all day through night.

8. Most afraid to lose..?
-my life.

9. What is the practical target within this 5 years?
-if i tell you i want to have a million in the bank, would you believe me?

10. Ask yourself, do you like yourself?
-very much, to the extend of being self indulgent, ha ha ha!

11. Favourite song?
-can i add "s" at the back? guns n' f*kin roses, motley crue, velvet revolver, cheap trick, scorpions, aerosmith, eric clapton, dire straits, bla bla bla, and bla bla bla bla.

12.What weird things that you wish to happen?
-wake up with liv tyler in bed beside me, thats f**kin weird oh yeah!

13.What age do you wish to live until?
-God answers that.

14.You Hate which type of people the most?
arrogant pig heads, cause itll be like the two magnets facing each other on the same side.

15.Are you satisfied with your life?
-of course.

16. What do you wish to do the most now?
-play guitar and read hell loads more of books, ha ha!

17.Prefer to be alone or in group?
-currently, alone, note that i say currently.

18.If you can have a wish, what will you wish for?
-a talk with warren buffet lasting day through night.

19.What are you doing at this moment?
-doing the survey, thanks and it just wasted my 10 minutes of time, f*ck!

20.Have you found yourself?
-found and lost it and im finding again.

The five people I wish to know more about is :
-warren buffet
-sam walton
-mark knopfler, i wonder how he plays the guitar so well without a pick, his "finger" skills must be good, ha ha ha!
-anwar ibrahim, we count on him for a better tomorrow, and who is he? the nelson mandela of malaysia? lol.

In the cafe.

considering someone's advice, i think i need to...

1: sleep earlier
2: cut down on cold drinks
3: cut down on the smokes
4: sleep with a shirt on

I hate my sinus.

the thing with a really good song is that, at the right time it unleashes all the most wonderful moments in life, and this time its scorpions - wind of change. im crouching in the bathroom again, it a ciggy, and im reminiscing my time in national service, i remember the firstime i breathe that shit in i passed out straight in the toilet, ha ha!

you sowed the seed of vendetta in me today.

morning: sam came over and played some sublime funky licks, and showed me how to play sweet home alabama. brilliant.

noon: in the cafe playing dota, some f*ckin kids came over and keep leaning over my chair and keep telling me about playing dota like it was his mother's business, grr.

10:00 pm: you know how it feels like, i feel like an underdog, and what did i do? i just keep silent and head down and swallowed the anger, theres no point telling you how i feel cause you wont get me and you would misinterpret and you'll spit at me once again like you did just now watch your own damn mouth" . its like someone telling you, "yea so what? who the fuck you think you are?" its okay, i swear my vengeance will vindicate me some days later, ill kill you off and bury you in utter defeat, and you'll come beg me for mercy, saying, "please, spare me". to whoever fuck that is.

Mötley Crüe - Home Sweet Home


You know I'm a dreamer
But my heart's of gold
I had to run away high
So I wouldn't come home low
Just when things went right
Doesn't mean they're always wrong
Just take this song and you'll never feel
Left all alone

Take me to your heart
Feel me in your bones
Just one more night
And I'm comin' off this
Long & winding road

I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home sweet home
Tonight, tonight
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home sweet home

You know that I've seen
Too many romantic dreams
Up in lights, fallin' off the silver screen

My heart's like an open book
For the whole world to read
Sometimes nothing keeps me together at the seams
reached ipoh at almost two midnight, there was no cab, no transport back home, i stayed in a cafe and later mcd, for the rest of the night, and went came back home in the morning, slept until five.


theres one thing about vanity, when you're all consumed by it youre a fop, but you have every reason to live and fight for, and when theyre gone you feel true to yourself, but you lose your enthusiasm and you become lackadaisical.

reached pudu at nine and bought eleven oclock bus ticket back to ipoh, and i feel like shit spending that two hours there, all i needed was just voices. my phone line was barred and i dont have coins with me, no loose cash, but i had a piece of one dollar bill. went to the toilet, payed the thirty cents but never went in, got back seventy cents and made a few calls, asking them to call back, i needed someone to talk to. two did, one called back and answered in the i-feel-intruded manner and spat all over my face, another called and we talked all the way through until i reach ipoh. thanks, thats so kind of you.

Dirty little thing.

It feels like a hit from the sledgehammer, but one swung from the inside of the heart, or a really tight squeeze, that each time i breathe it just feels so f*kin excruciating, each time it happens it span a short few seconds to a long few minutes. together with the sinus, it makes me feel so ill, and i hate blowing out my snots.

ive very much developed a habit recently, crouching naked in the bathroom, a snort of tobacco shit, and loudspeaker on the phone playing rock n' roll, all before i bathe, and today two persons called during my shower and there they asked "what're you doing?" "erm hold on a second, im having a shower.", "huh? what?!"

im perennially on the road, and each time i travel ive always loved the scene between cross state lines. its idiosyncratically green enough, see the grass is not always greener on the other side of the planet isnt it? do you know that majority of the girls in malaysia wouldnt even spend their money getting a handbag priced over one grand? and people usually thought that theyve grown enough to differentiate between mng and LV, but they just didnt know that this guy over here have gone in and out the sphere of vanity, too many times over before u even know what money is, and now i dont need accolades to remind me of who am i. you are living a high life, thats why you never know.

isnt it that the more you dwell into the academic shits the more stupid youll be. one example would be recently ive heard from a friend whos taking architecture course and he said its all cement within a pillar and no steel being used as reinforcement. hes an architecture student, if its without steel basing what would happen the second the pile driver hammer onto the pure cement stick? noob shit.

i want nothing, seriously, nothing, just a room enough to occupied myself and the guitar, and a book, thats all i need, im feeling much comfortable nowdays being at places where noone knows me.

recent book list:

Mario Puzo - The Godfather
Nikki Sixx & Ian Gittins - The Heroin Diaries.
Terry Pratchett - Thud!

she had tried to borrow me some mitch albom, but too bad im just not in tune to read those, if i read i wont feel synchronized and there wont be any alignments, but im glad at her willingness to help me get through stuffs and think better on the positive way, although through a book, but im better to stick with the heroin diaries.

Velvet Revolver - Fall To Pieces


It's been a long year
Since you've been gone
I've been alone here
I've grown old
I fall to pieces, I'm falling
Fell to pieces and I'm still falling

Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces

I keep a journal of memories
I'm feeling lonely, I can't breathe
I fall to pieces, I'm falling
Fell to pieces and I'm still falling

Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces

All the years I've tried
With more to go
Will the memories die
I'm waiting
Will I find you
Can I find you
We're falling down
I'm falling

Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces

Chapter 3: The Root Of A Stoked Hooligan.

When the family is still whole, i used to be a timid one, with low self esteem, i think that's caused of my dad, he never treated me equal, not even to this day, the thinking that he's always a step higher, thats one thing i didnt quite like about him. the fact i respect about him though is he never once hunched back, and how i wish to tell him "c'mon lets just swallow your pride and ego, your time has come to a past, and im the future".

now that im older, i began to realize a few issues that ate up at my parents relationship. dad was one with a perpetual ego following him wherever he goes, hes always the dominant one in the family. he used to have a set of expensive hi fi at home, i heard it was worth more than a hundred grands, my mom sold it for a mere five grands when he was out working in langkawi. obviously my mom wont need to do that if situation turns out better. my dad hes seldom home, so theres one time when my mom wanted the cash to pay the upfront for her ride. thats one thing of her, to this day she never had her own stand, she gets drifted away by peoples real easily.

everything seems to have changed the day my parents got separated. slowly, but not on instant i was transformed by the change. i did not call it drastic, maybe im too young even to feel the blue. but since then constant transition had become a norm. inside i was still a good kid, but outside i became a little bit of a problem child. i started to neglect homeworks, mixing into the older kids gang, and portrayed a hooligan in school.

soon that my dad left, my mom and i moved to a small flat lot located beside a pub and she worked as a cashier at night at that place, and morning shes a receptionist somewhere else. and grandpa has to be accommodated somewhere else. so he went over to uncle's.

because of work, mom was usually not home. mom had this old uncle to fetch me to school everyday, but in school i probably became an outcast among my peers. i became one of the few kids in schools who didnt pass up their homeworks, and few of them are still friends with me to this day, i suppose their situations at that time are almost as worst, however what happened at a young age had caused them to grow up and do great things in life although they might not be the usual scholars in school, a few of them went up to become dope fiends though. theres one time when the teacher was so in rage, and she made us a card board to hang on our chest, whats on it were that few big words "im lazy, im hopeless". we didnt feel shameful at all, we're just outcasts living our own fantasies.

i was ten by then. and there were a few older kids staying down the apartment blocks, most of them were over fifteen, or at their high school age. at day time my home was a place rented to someone to operate a mah jong club, where peoples would come and gamble and stuffs like that, i was not into that kinda scene so i went straight into my room the moment i reach home. and at night my house was very much of my own partying scene. by then i had a play station at home, which most other kids dont have, rendering my house a beehive, everyone would come at night the time when mom went to work. and thats when i first started getting interested in the epitome of opposite sex's body, we would put on my dad's porn and there were a couple of them who chain smoked all the way through, and a couple guys will bring in their game cds and lay a hand on the by-then-was-still-glorious video game console.

one of the nights a few of them called on the pizza delivery and had us delivered a two huge pans. they were so a bully and said that because i was the youngest and did not pay, and once i had a taste on it, they forced me into owing them ten bucks. and the next time one of them lost in a gamble and forced me to pay up the debt, one of the older uncles in my house got so furious that he almost thrown that guy outta the corridor. and i didnt found out until much later that all the money i got during chinese new year was gone. they probably took it, and on the spot ordered the pizza, great. this was the major one which happened which caused a drastic change in me, years later that i'll be a bully myself in high school. and as the title said, the stoked hooligan. there were few more minor ones like that which happened that i couldn't remember of.

during school holidays, i'd usually go over to my dad's place in langkawi, and because my dad was really a good cook, he'll do me all sorts of dishes, the most memorable one being two really big lobsters, trust me, if you have that in kuala lumpur, that two plate's gonna cost over one grand. my dad worked as a senior electronic engineer there for a cement factory, which would later be purchased under the la farge cement conglomerate. every night when my dad's off work i'd follow him to the same night club, my dad loves tiger beer, and thats when i got my first gulp, since then my life has never been off with booze. and the band played alot of santana there, one of his friends said "god made this earth beautiful because of woman", i was ten years old, and i was f*cking drunk.

out of self protection i acted drastically and started cursing alot. like what says the song "welcome to the jungle it gets worse here everyday, ya learn to live like an animal in the jungle where we play ". animals and me they share a viewpoint that most peoples tend to forget: at the end of the day life is all about survival.

Even the best players don't always win.

5 games in a row, i lost all of them. bad players, bad line ups. who to blame? its just how things happen. im good at it, but then what? people tell you, so? so i kept quiet and accept my defeat.


The hardest part, this troubled heart has never yet been through now,
To heal the scars that got their start inside someone like you now,
But had I known or I'd been shown back when I longed you'd take me,
To break the charge that brought me home...
that, all but would erase me.

recently ive brought up a pretty good topic with a friend talking about what sow the seeds of demise in a relationship, i recently went through it myself and all i have to say is there is multiple factors, truth? theres more than one. ive came to learn and see that, theres multiple truth occurring at a time. no one is right, yet no one could be more responsible for the downfall than the relationship itself.

1. distance. you know you choose to go over to aussie for your studies, its something you need to do, its not your fault but its just how things happen. you tell me to have faith and love is everything that counts, but its not, youve failed to see that between black and white theres a vast area of grey in between.

2. ive not taken initiative to repair the broken relationship, ask why, i never know.

3. im no more the me you know, so are you. weve both changed. not in sync anymore, i dont feel aligned.

i wouldnt blame you, i hope so do you. because ive came to learn that what i see is not exactly what you see. we have different paradigms. again my own set of doctrine doesnt work for you. however ive learn that no one would be there for you more when you needed someone, than your parents.

If I were you, I'd manage to abhor the invitation
Of promised love that can't keep up with your adoration
Just use your head, and in the end you'll find your inspiration
To choose your steps and won't regret this kind of aggravation

Whats on.

okay, i have a couple minutes short.

again the casino in a way let me know that they're unbeatable because of the math.

the wall socket both in and outside of my room caught a spark one of the nights and woke me up, terrified. a couple of extension cords burned, together with the phone charger. so i can no longer play guitar in my room, i shifted the amp and axe out to the living room and now the whole place look a f*cking studio with the dim yellow lighting, as said by someone "it looks like a place where junkies do music". ironically the living room is the place where my mom used to watch dvds. now its conquered by CDs, books, cigarettes. it looks a mess, actually ill say it looks raw instead, i dont like things in nice orders.

usually ill play led zeppelin all day through night, and im falling with a couple of their songs. the current one being "Achilles Last Stand".

i charged through a book in one day, being Tommy Lee - Tommyland, he's rather known as the ex husband of Pamela Anderson than being the drummer in Motley Crue. and im currently reading Stephen Davis - Hammer Of the Gods, The Led Zeppelin Saga.

Picture convey a thousand words.


basically that's what happened for the past weeks, give it all you can to describe of life, stoned, monotonous, dull, tedious, ad nauseam, stranded. it's the same book ive been reading, this time the third. picked up another few guitar riffs and solos off guns n roses records. im also getting way too good at dota, and thats a sign showing that ive been playing a lil too much. i want to be lively again for goodness sake.

In an attempt to play like Slash.

the song is guns n roses's knockin on heaven's door. mind my lousy time beat, climax is at near end of the song.

Samuel Law.

Chapter 2: Childhood.

i wan born on 19 february 1988, in a relatively small town named ipoh, where the academy award winning actress michelle yeoh was born some 25 years earlier. i didnt have much memories about my childhood, the earliest one being me in dad's car asking him what year is it, in a harsh tone he said "1993". the family was considered to be above average by then, dad owns four cars, a huge orchid garden, a large kennel, house fronted with a long driveway. dad was one hell of a character, hes the dominant one in the family, mum being the passive. until this day id still admit its more stressful being with him than anybody else in the world.

my dad was somewhere forty five to fifty when i was born, mum 38. my memory is hazy on the events that led to the forming of the family, of how they met each other, came together, got married, stuffs like that. each of them told me different stories, that makes a piece of puzzle in the head forever not being brought together. from what i heard, some ten years after my dads divorce with his previous wife he met my mum and they fell in love.

i have a step brother, somewhat twenty years older, he used to be staying with us, but eventually he went to aussie to attend university. hes working for an electronic company now, ive never contacted him since long.

much of my childhood was spent with grandpa, the one who loved me the most besides my mum, he loves trebor mint, and used to break the candy into a five piece and to be consumed in five different times, thats how thrifty he is, and hes forever with his same issue of old old old old old old old and brownish newspaper, the one who keeps all the toy back into the storeroom, being me the impetuous and irresponsible kid in the house. theres one time we had a fight and i landed a kick onto his private part, sat down there screaming in pain he forewarned about moving back to his old house in batu gajah, i begged for his forgiveness and be good for the next few days. he stayed. for a kid like me who stayed perpetually in motion, i hurt myself quite alot of times back then, i fell to the drain and left a scar slightly up my my right eye when i was two. and theres one time where i fell down and hurt both my ankles badly, he carried the bloodied me back, one and a half miles away from home. eventually he passed when he was 98. i was never there. and im always proud of him, whole of his life he never needed a wheelchair. never needed anyone to feed him, never needed anyone to read for him. rest in peace grandpa.

i was not as sanguine and confident as most peoples know today, back then i was a timid little kid, i remember that time when my mum help me wore on my school uniform, "you're growing up boy, you're starting to wear white shirt with blue pants. and you're gonna learn to take school bus to school". i was too pampered back then, two days in a week id get twenty cents pocket money to buy snacks i like, and i brought my own food to school. i thought i was living a bad life, i stereotyped myself before all others did.

back then there was life back in the school bus, kids they used to group up one gang after another. and i didnt have much friends, they'll criticize me for being bald, i guess i was too pampered that i just got ignored by the majority of the kids in the bus, they started swearing at that early age, and i didnt have a clue. i was just a tiny little kid back then.

life in school was even worse that time, because normally im not the smartest one in the class, i didnt build up a habit to just do revision back at home, ill just finish my homework and stuff everything inside my schoolbag and wait for my mum to have a check on it, and done, back to my lego. of all these cause my results were not outstanding among my peers, although im in the first class. id even had a kid called me "stupid boy" that time, and i swear ill remember that for life. the class monitor that time, a guy we call "lip" hes usually the apple in the eye to the teacher. he ranks among the smartest guy around. i did not know him well back then, but many years later after we left that school, we met outside and he became my dota teammate.

for unknown reason my class teacher just like to pick on me, she'll criticize me for having a bad hand writing, which that my dad hated her alot for, "how dare she said my son's hand writing's bad" a wee bit about my dad; when he was out alone studying in germany, my grandad couldnt support him, so he did it all by himself, he writes wedding invitation cards for couples, back then those cards were not printed, and thats how nice his writing was, and still is today.

back then during my primary days, i got selected as my school's "number one head". outsiders they always have a chant for us, our school being famous for its bald students. i didnt like it very much, but that was my mum's decision, i was bald until i reached twelve.

when schools off, i used to mix with my cousin, theres when i first got to know about all the interesting stuff the world has to offer by that time, he's much older, and on a normal day ill sail on with his bicycle gang and wander around the whole residential area, we were the bikers gang, we felt like we actually ruled the turf. we'd have all sorts of plaything, and im sure i was the last generation of kids which play with kites, masak-masak which we cooked dried leaves and grass, top spinning, hide and seek, etc. back then we just didnt have computers, not even playstation. the best that technology has offered that time was the nintendo console.

somewhere during lower primary, dad and mum started quarreling quite alot. at night when they quarrel my dad would drive away to somewhere and leave her to tears. thats something ive seen but didnt quite understand, and i usually side on my mum. and eventually my dad got a promotion and he got transferred to langkawi, and he never comes back, the only time he did was coming back and asked for a divorce.

(To be continued...)

Samuel Law.

All Things Considered.

the moments i decided to write a memoir of myself i actually started mulling over all the past experiences, as detailed as it could be, of sure my life didnt end here, it rather serve a milestone of where i came in and what ive become over the years. i hope it serve as a reference too of what i would become later.

i looked out to the balcony for one final time and realized actually how much i loved the scenic view that captures the eye, each time being out there you have something like a "ground-at-your-feet" feel at a perfect height at 16th floor, the only thing which gave an equal match to that kind of above all ego was the mountain facing you, it's huge, and everytime you look out, everything else just seems too small to be brought into the league, you see a vast green on day time, illuminating yellow twinkles at night, and the best hour was when twilight sets in. im not usually one who writes about whats with my balcony, however its just a place operated whenever the lung hungers, but you know the feeling when you leave, it just sucked. ive move quite alot of times in my life, i just hated the feel, i hate to leave a place where i feel comfortable with, a place where i seek refuge, and i hated it when i have to pack my stuffs and realized i couldn't bring along everything with me each time i shift, even the trash seems memorable, like a used pen, atleast they wrote my lecture notes when i was still in college.

im that type of person, like recently i just sold my three year old plus desktop to a friend of mine, it was a wise move since he offered a decent price, but like i said even a used pen help wrote my lecture notes. i still feel a sting to the heart, it was one of mama's most expensive gift and delivered during her 55th b'day, yea she bought me a gift during her b'day. it's not long before the comp became my most treasured asset at that time, i stored inside all the pictures taken throughout the years, plus a 3k plus songs in the playlist which I named it "the hall of fame", and ill change the wallpaper atleast once in a week. i loved it so much, i started playing dota at home, online games made easier and i didnt need to stay in the cafe for long hours anymore, theres even once i got so addicted to online gaming and i actually stayed in the cafe for more than 24 hours.

i love to play dota, throughout the years ive came to know that whatever emotional expressions you have in the game shouldnt be brought into real life. ive got into fights, quarrels(we'll come back to that just abit later), just because of the game. i still do, but im matured enough now to keep everything in the game, i put all my emotions into the game when i play, i yell, i swear, and thats the only time you see the wild me besides when i was drunk. its been nearly four years since then.

rock n' roll is a part of life, im always being superficial when asked something like "heard of rihanna's new song yet?" or "did you know david cook won ai?" i didnt even know who rihanna was, and i didnt know david cook either before the headlines came out on almost every major press announcing the new ai winner, but so far if i ever come across him on the street, ill never recognize him. my world is all about rock n roll, what the general public defined as "loud music". im a dedicated lifetime fan of guns n' roses, i loved their works in the 80's. power ballads performed by the rock n roll bands are my version of love songs, in fact, they are really filled with emotions. one of the greatest factor which lead me to like rock n roll was, their music is always genuine, the majority of peoples like pop, and thats what makes alot of scum bags going into the industry just for the buck. rock bands do music because of music. my ear foods are guns n' roses, led zeppelin, pink floyd, iron maiden, and for softer ones i prefer lost prophets, matchbox 20. dislike linkin park. i just didnt have a taste of their music, they call themselves a fusion, pioneering the rapcore culture, but id say theyre more a rehash to the originals instead.

i like to write, but oftentimes i just feel a lack of muse, i could type at a breakneck speed when chemistry between the brain cells are in place, when theyre not, i can stare blankly at the screen and nothing would come out, ive come to learn that my prime time was somewhere in between midnight and the wee hours. And believe me i actually type this whole damn thing in 20 minutes, never bother to check for type or grammatical errors again, ill just let it be, and come back to it much later in hoping to see an improvement in self.

the me everyone came to know was not the me earlier, contrary to the present, i wasnt one who reads, let alone speak english, i grew up in a rather pro chinese background and i just started to pick things up much later. i remember i couldnt even make right my grammar the firstime i use icq, i typed with my two index fingers, they hovered for quite a few seconds to find an alphabet. and a few years earlier alot of peoples who didnt know me better asked how many As i got in spm, i didnt answer, but i can tell you all here that i flunked six out of nine subjects during the trials, the three passes were the three language subjects, being english, bm and chinese. however those who know me better they didnt even ask, they need not to.

things dont always come the easy way, life sometimes have to take you through the hard road, but ive came to learn that we are responsible for our emotional reactions toward matters, we can actually choose to be happy or angry, its of countless falls that encapsulated this hardwon skill, i actually dont have alot of wits, but im willing to learn in accordance to subjects i favour. im not one who easily gives up, i often tell peoples that if the sky were to fall ill be the last one standing, its not of my ego, its of self confidence i said this, and i didnt bornt with alot of self confidence either, i was actually a timid one when i was a kid, life goes on once and again to humble me when my ego seems to be overboard. and there are times when death was so close(we'll come abck to that later) and it actually makes me realized how much life worths, and im glad that everyday i wake up i still have the guts to take on the high road.

(To be continued...)

A vicissitude of fate.

I'm moving, I need to, and I still haven't found a room. No more messy room, no more our stinky worn clothes scattering everywhere, no more 5 minutes smoke time at the balcony, no more talking cock, no more jumbling up the house, no more purposely being countdown leavers in a dota game. We each came from a totally different background and we often have different opinions to various subjects, we have our own doctrines, our own constitutions, and I'm always the one who give in, I know what type of personalities you carry. However you still have been a pretty gorgeous roomie. "Woi ah Sam I want to stop smoking already! *and there he lits a cig, give one to me, lit mine too*" Thats you, and I'm actually typing this beside you when you're playing fifa. Ha ha, need to alt tab frequently and I need to type pretty fast, mind any grammatical or typo error.

I'm starting a chronology on the coming updates, trying to reminisce my every bit of life in the past, it'll be up pretty soon and it'll be on a new individual label, and Ill put it up chapter by chapter through each update.

Away from the sun.

Edit: I broke my lower E string during a bend when I was trying to play "Layla", you know how it feels, youre feeling sky high and suddenly all the vibe, gone, and you fell from skyhigh too, stoned.

I wish to spill out everything here, but probably my insecurities keep me from doing so, I never let know of my inner self, I mind people's opinion and comments. I'm thinking maybe I'd one day start a blog writing as anonymous and type everything there without any refrains, but however as Eliza said, a blog will not be the most accurate gauge of a person. The past is haunting , and it's starting to claim its toll, rendering life full of uncertainties, a raging demon left for me to battle.

I picked up another two biographies, I like reading them, mostly those written by rockstars. I feel my life now is very much in align with them, seems that they have gone through this when they were young, they all know what turbulence really means and defined them their own ways, Slash said in his. "It seems excessive, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen, I've always had to do things my way; I play guitar my way; I've taken myself to the edges of life my way; I've gotten clean my way; and I'm still here. Whether or not I deserve to be is another story." I'm feeling something similar. And picks for this time were Eric Clapton's self titled autobiography, and Eddie Guererro - Cheating Death, Stealing Life. I feel they're the only ones who worth a speak about "life" to me. I need them, I need them to tell me that I'm still not too bad and it's okay to wreck havoc in life at this age.

I'm following a couple of blogs lately, some of which I found interesting were:

Ean Goes To College, a personal journal about a guy who left everything in his hometown Seattle to England for his MBA.

Misha, shes a 8 year old girl who blogs, yes, 8! A little Malaysian chinese girl's life in Hong Kong.

Mary asked to blog about her again. =P This girl that I owe her a big chunk, I know la most of the songs in my playlist were downloaded by you! during your utmost busiest time of exam, you even went off and on just to send me the song when connections not right, thank kiuk!

Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb (1979)

Here goes the song in my dream, of old English goodness.


Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

Come on, now.
I hear youre feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Just a little pinprick.
Therell be no more
But you may feel a little sick.

Can you stand up?
I do believe its working. good.
Thatll keep you going for the show.
Come on its time to go.


I fell to my dream with a book in hand.

A rather gloomy evening that I was up on a hill village with a friend, I cannot remember of who he is, atmosphere something similar to The Shire in LOTR. Illuminating street lights, bars serving unlimited beers with wooden barrels. Jukebox playing soft ballads, I remember Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb. We were not at the peak of the mountain, it was said the best food's up there. We went down, set a time to comeback later for the food, and never did. I flashed my eye onto the signboard, Cameron Highlands.

Scene flashed to an ex neighbour's house, as big a mansion, huge chandeliers like the ones in Genting casino. The lastime I saw her she was not that rich, some 10 years back. Now that she said she operates the biggest perfume chain stores in the region. I tried wearing on some of the fragrances, and felt a deja vu of aroma which I never scented before, yet they feel known, citrus like.

I woke up with a pain on the neck, but at very least I stayed in a utopia for two hours, WTF.


Life was in a state of topsy-turvy the day I first plucked out "Don't Cry" which feels a little bit like the original, it was bluesy and the feeling was being soothed out by the tiny 6 piece of guitar strings.

Nothing surpasses hearing music at late night, in a hollow and hushed atmosphere, where the time you hear clearly of every note played on the record, and tend to feel the want of indulging in the moment forever, it's the time where you feel no one actually understands you better but yourself. I prefer to lit a cigarette, pour some whisky, and sometimes the same track, usually a power ballad, goes on repeating a lot of times. It's the spirit which lies within the raw adolescence of the band sound that just suited my inner development.

At times when I'm feeling all these I tend to question myself, "peoples tend to say I'm factual, am I?"

Love, is a verb.

I've always been a quiet listener to a friend of mine, who, being emotional during most of the time, spilling out stories about her shattered relationship with the boyfriend, they seem to go on and off a lot of times and yet things never changed, with the girl arguing about the boy's rather willingness to play online games than going out for a show, and the boy's complains about her being a selfish control freak. Both of them engage frequently in never ending quarrels, with either one pulling the plug by saying "okay that's enough.", hence, forget but not forgive. Problems lie domant for awhile, and follow by a deeper misunderstanding later on. The cycle goes on never ending.

Trust me I never bring up the topic for a gender debate, I hope you all will get my drift of what I'm trying to interpret here. It's moments out of time of what I've experience myself that encapsulated a lifetime's worth of hard won wisdom, and I'm still learning.

I've personally went through similar situations like this, I guess we all do, each time we quarrel we build up our own defensive walls, purpose to side on ourselves, and at best effort trying to win over, we could stand with victory over the fight, but however something which we did not realize is the shattering of the relationship. Demands of "Why can't you spend more time with me?" "Why can't you just be more affectionate?", they are often the demands in a relationship, but affection and intimacy are products of love, of mutual understanding.

Hollywood have their own definition for love, and we are all affected and our paradigm towards the subject would be something like, love is act of reciprocation, we love because we want to be loved. Love is a feeling, I feel good being with you, and I love you, to them love is a noun..

But however after my experience over some strange moments of clarity I've come to conclude that, love is a verb instead of a noun, we don't love because we wanted to be loved, instead we love because we love. It's just out of our control whether or not it will be reciprocated, and what would be my best advice to you if one day you come telling me you're having problems over relationships again and you need solution? Well I'd say, Love him.


Me: Tell me everything!

Liz: It was fun! super nice beach and food.. =P

Me: Oh, your everything is only 3 words ah?


What would you do with RM108 millions?


"Benefits Supervisor Sleeping" the name of the masterpiece by British painter Lucian Freud. The art piece, depicting a nude, obese lady lying on the sofa, was sold during an auction to Roman Abramovich, the Russian billionaire tycoon, or more commonly known as the owner of the Chelsea Football Club, at the price of USD 33.6 millions(approximately RM108 millions), set the record of the world's most expensive art piece ever sold by a living artist.

Rm108 millions, that's more than 20 Ferrari Enzo, over 70 Ferrari Modena 360, 15'000 Gibson Les Paul electric guitar, 2'000'000 books(assuming that they costs RM50 each), and 10'000'000 Big Macs, and a freaking 312,339,295,898 Indonesian rupiahs.

The one thing which really gagged me off was, the lady in the picture got paid a mere USD40 per day of posting for the painter.

Million Blog List.


This is a wiki project conducted to see how long it will take to reach 1'000'000 blogs to be listed on the site, it's said that there are around 70'000'000 blogs in the world.

Kindly list your blog and take the poll on how long you think will be needed for 1 million blogs to be listed.

This blog is listed at #1401.

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can't Stop


Can't stop addicted to the shin dig
Cop top he says I'm gonna win big
Choose not a life of imitation
Distant cousin to the reservation
Defunkt the pistol that you pay for
This punk the feeling that you stay for
In time I want to be your best friend
Eastside love is living on the westend
Knock out but boy you better come to
Don't die you know the truth is some do
Go write your message on the pavement
Burnin' so bright I wonder what the wave meant
White heat is screaming in the jungle
Complete the motion if you stumble
Go ask the dust for any answers
Come back strong with 50 belly dancers

The world I love
The tears I drop
To be part of
The wave can't stop
Ever wonder if it's all for you
The world I love
The trains I hop
To be part of
The wave can't stop
Come and tell me when it's time to

Sweetheart is bleeding in the snowcone
So smart she's leading me to ozone
Music the great communicator
Use two sticks to make it in the nature
I'll get you into penetration
The gender of a generation
The birth of every other nation
Worth your weight the gold of meditation
This chapter's going to be a close one
Smoke rings I know your going to blow one
All on a spaceship persevering
Use my hands for everything but steering
Can't stop the spirits when they need you
Mop tops are happy when they feed you
J. Butterfly is in the treetop
Birds that blow the meaning into bebop

Wait a minute I'm passing out
Win or lose just like you
Far more shocking
Than anything i ever knew
How about you
10 more reasons
Why i need somebody new just like you
Far more shocking than anything I ever knew
Right on cue

Can't stop addicted to the shin dig
Cop top he says I'm gonna win big
Choose not a life of imitation
Distant cousin to the reservation
Defunkt the pistol that you pay for
This punk the feeling that you stay for
In time I want to be your best friend
Eastside love is living on the westend
Knock out but boy you better come to
Don't die you know the truth is some do
Go write your message on the pavement
Burnin' so bright I wonder what the wave meant

Kick start the golden generator
Sweet talk but don't intimidate her
Can't stop the gods from engineering
Feel no need for any interfering
Your image in the dictionary
This life is more than ordinary
Can I get 2 maybe even 3 of these
Come from space
To teach you of the pliedes
Can't stop the spirits when they need you
This life is more than just a read thru

Whopper, a few things into one.

Of my whole flash card full of Guns N' Roses, Iron Maiden, Velvet Revolver and Buckethead.
Okay this is up just in hope of stopping Mary from merajuk *giggles* "Remember to put up my name when you mention about the songs you downloaded recently!" "I check your blog everyday one lor, no updates about me one =( " okay here it is, thanks for all you peoples who have helped me in my downloadings recently, Mary and Jwen *grins*, you both are great!

Of my enthusiasm towards Rock & Roll.
Many have asked about my passion towards the Californian 80's. How does it feel? Well each time the riff started playing on the player you feel out of context, divorced from your usual point of view, perspective skewed, it's like hearing yourself on an answering machine that speaks well on behalf of your playful character, and when the guitar solo sets in, orgasm.

Of A guy I met recently.
I'm always grateful that my work enables me to meet with all kinds of people, from all walks of life. This is a guy I met on the street, he's a migrate from Indonesia, together with his wife he came to Malaysia in search of better opportunities. They're not high grads, they don't have a cert, they will have nothing to polish a shine on the resume if they ever gonna write one, the guy works in a lamp shop and the wifey at a restaurant. He told me he's working very hard over here to save up money so he could start his own business when he goes back to Surabaya. He wants an extraordinary life.
Why people whose situation seems to be much worse strive for excellence and while we, living a better life, thinks mediocrity?

Comedies fail to deliver? A new drama for you: Malaysia Politics.
Lim Kit Siang: Let's send the Altantuya murderers to HELL!
Khairy: Aku nak tanya sama ada yang di berhormat setuju bahawa penentuan siapa masuk ke syurga atau neraka adalah ditentu oleh Tuhan?
Lim Kit Siang: Yang berhormat daripada Rembau, dia graduate daripada Oxford, dia tentu tau itu expression! itu pun tak faham? Mahu menjadi satu religious fundamentalist?!

Khairy: Project Khinzir Raksaksa, atau singkatannya, PKR..
PKR-Kulim Bndr Bharu: I minta yang berhormat supaya perkataan itu ditarik balik!
Khairy: PKR?
PAS-Pokok Sena: PBN project Babi Negara!
Khairy: Siapa babi negara?! Siapa Babi Negara?!

Speaker Of Parliament: Satu setengah jam sudah, sila sambung hari lain..
Lim Kit Siang: Satu setengah jam, 80 percent sudah dikacau orang! (continues his speech)

So the interesting drama series has no particular broadcasting channel, just type in "Malaysia Parliament" and there goes You Tube.

What says the Goose that laid Golden Eggs.

The fable is the story told about a poor farmer who discovered that his pet a goose, lays one glittering golden egg everyday. The farmer and the wife soon filled their own minds with greed and thought that they werent getting rich fast enough. Thinking the bird must be made of gold inside, they cut the goose open, but when they did, they lost everything.

The famous Aesop's fable was initially a moral teaching which put an illustration to the scene "those who want too much lose everything". However what I found slightly more interesting behind the fable is the teaching of what would eventually be named the "P/PC balance" theory by leadership guru Stephen Covey, P for production, PC for production capabilities, perhaps I'm gonna tell another story about golden eggs here, of a machines operator in a factory, he works very hard earning for a chance of promotion, and he produces at an optimum level, without downtime, no maintenance, he runs the machine twenty four hours a day. Production rate was phenomenal, and quickly he got a promotion.

Now think that he has a successor to the job, someone took over him for his old position, what he inherited a sick goose, worn out machines. He's responsible for machine replacement and all the high maintenance cost, he took all the blame and eventually got fired, his predecessor liquidated the asset, but the accounting system only reported unit production, costs and profit.

I suppose many of us are like the first machines operator, we see effectiveness from the golden egg paradigm, we see effectiveness a synonym for productivity and neglected the goose that lays golden eggs, we as an organization focus on our customers but neglected those who deal with our customers everyday, and individually us being in all kinds of relationship focus on the fruit of having an understanding parent, a trustable friend, a loving partner, an adorable child, and eventually we neglected the components which make up those strong relationships. It was said that true effectiveness lies in a balance between the goose and the golden eggs. A life pattern of too much a focus on the golden eggs often end up with losing the goose which produces golden eggs, hence, companies experience high turnover of human resources, break up in relationships, miscommunication and quarrel between family members.

I've been talking to a friend recently who just had a broke up with her boyfriend, she says "I've tried too hard, it's never gonna work, he just never grow up". Yes I understand how she felt, primarily hurting and tiring, when someone doesn't seems to change. And she gave up on the relationship. Whats to be said here is that, are we focusing too much on the golden eggs? We wanted our partners to be considerate, loving and caring, all are what we expect from a relationship, but somehow my suggestion here is that if it's never gonna work when we focus on the fruits instead of the tree, why not we try the other way? I would say that the one who puts passion in planting the tree will eventually get better fruits beared instead of keeping an eye counting how many mangoes there are on the tree.

I've came across friends who say similar things like "that guy right there is a jerk, making friends with him is a waste of time" or "I love being friends with him, he teaches me a lot." These are much said in our everyday life. We expect from friends, and as said by's latest entry, friendship comes cheap now days, all the self helps we tend to read come with titles such as "How to talk to anyone / Communication 101 / How to influence peoples / Speed of building friendships / Art of building your network) etc.(Names are made up by self) Do we need to read books to know how to make friends? where gone our originality? Where gone our sincerity? We shower ourselves so much with outside-in personality cosmetics, and we left aside the most fundamental component which builds friendships on a solid ground, our character. I even came across books such as "Speed of building up trust" What says here is that, how can we build up trust if our intention is to build up trust? Even if we do it won't be based on a solid foundation.

We see everything as a trade now, from young as kids we acted good infront of our parents so we would get more rewards from them or to show we are more adorable than our siblings, teenagers we make friends in order to show people we have a vast social circle, adults we love because we expect to be loved, in return. That answers why our birds ain't delivering golden eggs no more.

(Story of machine operators picked from Stephen R Covey - The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People).

Buckethead - Soothsayer.


No nonsense, it's plain guitar solo, the firstime I listened, I experienced sort of a trigger of emotions, tears dropped.

Note: You might have to wait for the player to load, it's kinda slow.

Dude, remember your origin.

"I did't know he's such a Chinaman"

"What's wrong in being a Chinaman?"

I grown up being influenced by the western cultures, watched tons of what we call "gwai lou" movies, read their books, Rock & Roll music, dreamed to be a rock star, and still I always find substance each time I dig into my own culture, things like when I watch a really good movie(The last one I really liked being Andy Lau's Protege) or NatGeo channel episodes regarding the Mainland, I always take pride being originated from a race with 5000 years of written history.

Certainly you will find huge distinctive differences between the "Dragon" culture and California greatness, I'm happy that in a sense, I embraced both of them pretty well.

Hope you're alright.

It happened in a random afternoon when I got out of the train and was waiting for the shuttle bus at the bus stand, sat down beside a guy, took out my book and read, while stuffing my ear with some kinda emo triggering guitar piece.

The guy, he has that kind of emotion hanging on his face, depressed, tension, fear, low self esteem, insecurity, whatever you might call that. Besides him were all his luggage and one piece of them I recognized I supposed was his pair of sandals inside the plastic bag, the young looking guy seemed homeless. There he was holding a note book of a palm's size, G2 ink pen writing with full of emotions. The seats were made of two long metal railings, half of the space occupied by him and his luggage.

Suddenly he turned to me and said "Why are you disturbing me?" "Are you looking for a fight?" At first I was just not sure of his mumblings as I have my headset on, and he repeated the sentences in a louder tone, his body stiffing. "I'm waiting for a bus also don't you see?". In a harsh tone he said "You fucker peoples, leave me alone! Don't come near me, I'm dying and why can't you all leave me alone?!" and there he swung the notebook towards me and it hit really hard on my face, I wiped blood from my lips, again he said "Fuck off you peoples!" . I'm sure the guy I could beat him hands down if a fight was on, somehow something inside him kept me from doing that, he has mental problems, he needed help, I walked away in a silent.

I stood outside of the porch, still paying attention on his actions, his body still stiffed, hands shaking, continued writing on what I supposed was his suicide note. What came to mind that time was just something like "The guy right there needed help" despites of the pain on my bleeding lips. I went back to him. "Are you gonna disturb me again?" "No I'm here to ask if there's anything I can help you with? Are you okay?" And slowly I sitted beside him and started listening to whatever he has to spill. I cannot remember clearly of what he says, but he said something like he worked for politicians and he's over pressured and he has brain damage and kidney failures, and his brother once called the police and forced him into mental hospital. We went into the same bus, he stopped writing and he's more relaxed and he started to say things in a slower pace.

Before he get down the bus he said he's gonna look for some simple job and tries to live without worries, my last words to him were "I hope you're okay now, and feels better, God bless you."

By the way, through his way of talking, I found out later that the guy has mental illness, I'm in a sense of relief and feel happy that I did not take aggresion.

Midnight rant.

Recently out of no reason I just like to keep my entries short and simple, still hoping they will be able to channel my thoughts.

I went online and browsed through the contact list, and got my eye over a title shout out that says:"omg... my eng sux". For a moment i thought, "friend, I smell a sense of arrogance within you."

Vocabs used here are simple, as long as anyone who reads feel aligned;
My chords and playings are simple too, as long as anyone who hears feel me when my guitar weeps.

Pictures convey preferences.

Metal stay always on the TOP.


Take a picture of a glass,
turn the camera out of focus and use a distorting lens.
Then ask people, "What's that?"
They will answer, "it's a picture of a glass."


Take another picture of the same glass.
Don't put it out of focus and don't distort it.
Make it normal.
Then ask people, "What's that?"
They will answer, "It's a glass."

All credits go to "Whatever You Think, Think The Opposite" by Paul Arden.

tagged by baby.

1. At what age do you wish to marry?

2.What will you do when you feel really emo?
Listen to Guns N' Roses and getting fucked up by alcohols.

3. Who is your idol?
Sam Walton, George Soros, Michael Jordan, Slash, John Frusciante.

4. Where is the place that you want to go most?

5. If you have one dream to come true, what would it be?
Unlimited supply of oils, save the world.

6. What is the purpose of your life?
Be influential.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most right now?
My baby, other than that I have nothing to lose.

8. What cheers you up for the rest of the day?
Inspirational books.

9. If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her?
Why not?

10. List out three good things of the person who tagged you.
Fat, so she can always help me finish my food =)
Caring, I've never met someone like you, I'm grateful.
And loving me as part of the family.

11.What type of person do you hate the most?
egoistic and arrogant dickheads.

12. What would you do if you won a million dollars?
Multiply the million to a billion.

13. What is your ambition?
To be able to play like Slash, hah.

14. What will you do if you got rejected by someone you like?
Never once, so no such thing as a what if.

15. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
My spending habits.

16. What is your favourite colour?

17. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?

18. If there’s one thing in your life you want to do but yet unable to, what would it be?
Driving around town with a Ferrari, (UNABLE for now only)

19. What would you do if tomorrow was the last day of the world?
hug my baby to death.

20. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Sincere, loving, caring, confident, the corporate type.

Guns N' Roses - Don't Cry.

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Somethin's changin' inside you
And don't you know

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we

And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
And please remember
that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby

And don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry

Guns N' Roses - Better.

Sadly, it's just the name that remains besides Axl Rose, even his voice had changed over the years, this is the firstime I heard something from them after the Appetite' era back in the 80s', it WAS always Axl's high pitch vocal and Slash's r&r solos accompanied by Izzy's rythm guitar riffs, very rock&roll, very 80s', so this is something completely out of range from GNR's oldworks, however of all things considered, I'm still very much mesmerized by its emotion triggering guitar riff and lyrics, though the solo doesn't seems to impress me, Slash would have in a thousand folds did it better.

What says I today.

I'm going through a period of self realization and yet trying to not stray away. Sweet Child O' Mine and a few ciggies always seem to be the best drugs to get high on and I'm just feeling so emotionally aligned with the song.

For sometime I thought Id be hoping for a reunion between Slash and Axl Rose and relive the scene of some classic GnR moments.

Of a random dwelling moment.

I had an unpleasant phonecall over some problems lasted for merely a minute, slammed the phone and got into the taxi which took me home, feeling tired and bluesy I turned on the music player on the phone, lit a cigarette, there goes GnR's Sweet Child O' Mine and later on Metallica's Master Of Puppets and rocked all the way home.

I got out of the cab and replayed Sweet Child O' Mine all the way through the lift until I reached home, took a can of beer from the fridge and there I replayed the song once more and it feels better than doing drugs.

The driver actually told me Ill be the first chinese he met who listens to Met. A sense of relief, I guess a part of me there's still a rocker living within.


Recent book journey.

Currently listening to: 万芳 - 新不了情,Justin - 男人KTV.

It's just half an hour more to six o'clock morning, when everybody else usually wakes up for their daily pursues, or maybe a start of another boring routine for most peoples, I'm typing in a cafe near my condo, where I usually spend my night gaming, and i don't really need to look at the clock to tell about what time it is, where the cc would usually be crowded with peoples during midnight, and slowly they start leaving when it gets "earlier & earlier", and there are not more than five left now. I wish i can sleep peacefully but sometimes there are things that just tend to bug too much and keeps the mind operating, yea, adversities, we all face it as a part of life.

About the display picture, that happened when I was organizing my junks(before that they really made the house feel really messy) I was stacking up my books which were scattered throughout the whole living room, and this pile of thing were actually what I read in the past few weeks, some are considered boring stuffs for most peoples(of cause I like them if not I wouldn't have bought them at the first place), some are on the fiction's best-seller list.

The Logic Of Life - I was looking for another book which falls into the category of so called "evolutionary economics", and Chewxy recommended this 200+ pages Tim Harford's new work, based on what called the rationality theory, it explains about whatever you think to be irrational acts could be rational at some point, because human beings simply respond to incentives. Overall the book is quite a good one but I would have to agree with Chewxy on the point that the cover illustrator for the book should be laid off immediately.

Asian Godfathers - Basically a detailed account of what shaped the South East Asia economy starting from mid nineteenth century, also recorded clearly how tycoons of the region came into power, and Joe Studwell certainly did tell a story about these peoples which you couldn't have heard elsewhere.

Globalization And Its Discontents: Written by our former SVP and Chief Economist at the World Bank, there he presented a detailed account of how the Iternational Monetary Fund came into work and developed what so called a new type of colonialism and the unfair trade conditions which has been imposed onto the developing countries.

The Kite Runner - I've never found and read such emotional stories since a long time ago, love, honour, guilt, it speaks of redemption, and the world is not just monochromatically black and white, at least there's a grey in between. Conclusion about the book, I picked it up in a want to know more about the Middle East, but what has kept me reading the book is the appealing story in it.

The Curious Incident About The Dog In The Night Time - Funny and remarkably it says of a young fifteen year old boy(the narrator) which he struggles from a form of autism. A four-over-five for me, thumb's up for the story which makes one feel whimsy after reading it, and it can even serve a great purpose as one helluva laughing stock, thumb's down, for the shallow plot and superficious background being described in the book.


Vote for a change.

Credits to: Youth For Change

The one thing in my pocket, and life since then.

"Click! Lit! Thunk!" it's just how it sounds, and the ever solid feel when u grab hold of one in the palm, yea, a Zippo, most peoples have tons of stories to tell about this little American product. I got a new one today with a solid brass case and officially retiring the other one after 2 years in service, one which was a shiny new toy back then, is now accompanied by aging signs. It grows up with me in my pocket since the day I bought it away from the display window, so yea, time for you to rest, little silver zippy, and let your younger brother serve the coming years with loyal service. =)

End of the Zippo story, been reading loads about personal development, guess I just couldn't obtain them from parents because of my family background, however I'm a person who craves for knowledge, I seek out to know thoroughly about what I do, and I do them my best, I'm constantly learning from books, thanks to those who write, I learn the ways of doing business from Sam Walton, leadership from John C. Maxwell, financial literacy by Robert T Kiyosaki, to Think BIG from Donald J Trump. And lastly lastly, those who writes about the economy, I'm seeking to get The Age Of Turbulence by Alan Greenspan soon, and to those who didn't know about all these authors, simply skip the column. =)

I had quite some weird dreams now days and I'm failing to recall most of them, only thing I remember of, which happens quite often in my dreams is that I cannot hit a punch as hard as I'm in real life. =P

And about the HK star Lydia Shum, she passed away, during my birthday! Sadly my eyes were all over Edison's photo scandal, only days after that I realized, I miss "FEI FEI", the Hong Kong entertainment industry had just lost their mother, and the feeling saddens when Astro broadcast some of her well rated shows.

Anyway, that's life, and I gotta wash the dishes before my housies come back, Have A Nice Day everyone!

Love letter as short.

Today's your second day at Aussie, my second day without my bee bee =( Take care of yourself over there, drink loadsa waters, I miss you, and I'm counting down 4 months from now! love "EU" always.

Random shots.

Think BIG.

I did a psychometric test number of years back, the results came out something like this "For a person like you, you'll need to be at the top to retain respect that peoples have for you", also for a number of years I never had an answer of what it really means, or I think its simply inaccurate a psycho test?

"Think Big And Kick Ass" A catchphrase borrowed from Donald Trump, simple as it says, yet how much it speaks out for a person like me, I like thinking big, I think Ferrari, I think properties, I think businesses, i know much peoples out there would have thought I'm impractical, however, we all have dreams, if we are to dream, we might as well dream big, if not why else dream at all? When you think Ferrari you will look for ways to realise your Ferrari, when you think Kancil, then you realise a Kancil, if you dare not even to dream, then how far can you go?

I like to read biographies, just recently I read about Lim Goh Tong's life, as many would have said that he led an interesting life, followed by something like this "I wish God would grant me a life as interesting too..", God treats everyone fairly, everyone are to have equal opportunities, in simple tense, our Mr. Tan Sri didn't get an interesting life, he chose to live an interesting life instead.

My way of working your way up, first come dreams and visions, second comes visualizing your dreams and draft your blueprint, third executing your orders, fourth and final steps is to get the results you want of life. Whatever your definiton of being succesful is, whether to live wealthy, live healthy, happy family, or living peacefully, my definition is financial freedom, and I see and drafted my blueprint, and is heading towards my goals. You're free to think I'm talking trash and give comments, but before doing that you think, what if today I'm Donald Trump speaking to you? =) that answers the starting question for this entry.

Gong Xi Fa Cai and may all of you have a prosperous 2008, year year got fish.
Have A Nice Day!

I feel.

its gonna be a simple entry with very few sentences, it's just how I feel at the current moment.

I feel you're changing, or maybe you have.

I feel myself having hedgehog's dilemma.

I'm feeling insecure.

I feel I should think more for MYSELF.

I try to play a better part, but when I do, I get all these feelings, I think its better to stick back to what I used to be, one who doesn't care about anything.

And for all these cause, I will work hard, I want to live for myself, because I feel like a wraith when I lay all my hopes in you. I, me, myself will come first, from now on.