When the family is still whole, i used to be a timid one, with low self esteem, i think that's caused of my dad, he never treated me equal, not even to this day, the thinking that he's always a step higher, thats one thing i didnt quite like about him. the fact i respect about him though is he never once hunched back, and how i wish to tell him "c'mon lets just swallow your pride and ego, your time has come to a past, and im the future".
now that im older, i began to realize a few issues that ate up at my parents relationship. dad was one with a perpetual ego following him wherever he goes, hes always the dominant one in the family. he used to have a set of expensive hi fi at home, i heard it was worth more than a hundred grands, my mom sold it for a mere five grands when he was out working in langkawi. obviously my mom wont need to do that if situation turns out better. my dad hes seldom home, so theres one time when my mom wanted the cash to pay the upfront for her ride. thats one thing of her, to this day she never had her own stand, she gets drifted away by peoples real easily.
everything seems to have changed the day my parents got separated. slowly, but not on instant i was transformed by the change. i did not call it drastic, maybe im too young even to feel the blue. but since then constant transition had become a norm. inside i was still a good kid, but outside i became a little bit of a problem child. i started to neglect homeworks, mixing into the older kids gang, and portrayed a hooligan in school.
soon that my dad left, my mom and i moved to a small flat lot located beside a pub and she worked as a cashier at night at that place, and morning shes a receptionist somewhere else. and grandpa has to be accommodated somewhere else. so he went over to uncle's.
because of work, mom was usually not home. mom had this old uncle to fetch me to school everyday, but in school i probably became an outcast among my peers. i became one of the few kids in schools who didnt pass up their homeworks, and few of them are still friends with me to this day, i suppose their situations at that time are almost as worst, however what happened at a young age had caused them to grow up and do great things in life although they might not be the usual scholars in school, a few of them went up to become dope fiends though. theres one time when the teacher was so in rage, and she made us a card board to hang on our chest, whats on it were that few big words "im lazy, im hopeless". we didnt feel shameful at all, we're just outcasts living our own fantasies.
i was ten by then. and there were a few older kids staying down the apartment blocks, most of them were over fifteen, or at their high school age. at day time my home was a place rented to someone to operate a mah jong club, where peoples would come and gamble and stuffs like that, i was not into that kinda scene so i went straight into my room the moment i reach home. and at night my house was very much of my own partying scene. by then i had a play station at home, which most other kids dont have, rendering my house a beehive, everyone would come at night the time when mom went to work. and thats when i first started getting interested in the epitome of opposite sex's body, we would put on my dad's porn and there were a couple of them who chain smoked all the way through, and a couple guys will bring in their game cds and lay a hand on the by-then-was-still-glorious video game console.
one of the nights a few of them called on the pizza delivery and had us delivered a two huge pans. they were so a bully and said that because i was the youngest and did not pay, and once i had a taste on it, they forced me into owing them ten bucks. and the next time one of them lost in a gamble and forced me to pay up the debt, one of the older uncles in my house got so furious that he almost thrown that guy outta the corridor. and i didnt found out until much later that all the money i got during chinese new year was gone. they probably took it, and on the spot ordered the pizza, great. this was the major one which happened which caused a drastic change in me, years later that i'll be a bully myself in high school. and as the title said, the stoked hooligan. there were few more minor ones like that which happened that i couldn't remember of.
during school holidays, i'd usually go over to my dad's place in langkawi, and because my dad was really a good cook, he'll do me all sorts of dishes, the most memorable one being two really big lobsters, trust me, if you have that in kuala lumpur, that two plate's gonna cost over one grand. my dad worked as a senior electronic engineer there for a cement factory, which would later be purchased under the la farge cement conglomerate. every night when my dad's off work i'd follow him to the same night club, my dad loves tiger beer, and thats when i got my first gulp, since then my life has never been off with booze. and the band played alot of santana there, one of his friends said "god made this earth beautiful because of woman", i was ten years old, and i was f*cking drunk.
out of self protection i acted drastically and started cursing alot. like what says the song "welcome to the jungle it gets worse here everyday, ya learn to live like an animal in the jungle where we play ". animals and me they share a viewpoint that most peoples tend to forget: at the end of the day life is all about survival.
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