A vicissitude of fate.

I'm moving, I need to, and I still haven't found a room. No more messy room, no more our stinky worn clothes scattering everywhere, no more 5 minutes smoke time at the balcony, no more talking cock, no more jumbling up the house, no more purposely being countdown leavers in a dota game. We each came from a totally different background and we often have different opinions to various subjects, we have our own doctrines, our own constitutions, and I'm always the one who give in, I know what type of personalities you carry. However you still have been a pretty gorgeous roomie. "Woi ah Sam I want to stop smoking already! *and there he lits a cig, give one to me, lit mine too*" Thats you, and I'm actually typing this beside you when you're playing fifa. Ha ha, need to alt tab frequently and I need to type pretty fast, mind any grammatical or typo error.

I'm starting a chronology on the coming updates, trying to reminisce my every bit of life in the past, it'll be up pretty soon and it'll be on a new individual label, and Ill put it up chapter by chapter through each update.

Away from the sun.

Edit: I broke my lower E string during a bend when I was trying to play "Layla", you know how it feels, youre feeling sky high and suddenly all the vibe, gone, and you fell from skyhigh too, stoned.

I wish to spill out everything here, but probably my insecurities keep me from doing so, I never let know of my inner self, I mind people's opinion and comments. I'm thinking maybe I'd one day start a blog writing as anonymous and type everything there without any refrains, but however as Eliza said, a blog will not be the most accurate gauge of a person. The past is haunting , and it's starting to claim its toll, rendering life full of uncertainties, a raging demon left for me to battle.

I picked up another two biographies, I like reading them, mostly those written by rockstars. I feel my life now is very much in align with them, seems that they have gone through this when they were young, they all know what turbulence really means and defined them their own ways, Slash said in his. "It seems excessive, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen, I've always had to do things my way; I play guitar my way; I've taken myself to the edges of life my way; I've gotten clean my way; and I'm still here. Whether or not I deserve to be is another story." I'm feeling something similar. And picks for this time were Eric Clapton's self titled autobiography, and Eddie Guererro - Cheating Death, Stealing Life. I feel they're the only ones who worth a speak about "life" to me. I need them, I need them to tell me that I'm still not too bad and it's okay to wreck havoc in life at this age.

I'm following a couple of blogs lately, some of which I found interesting were:

Ean Goes To College, a personal journal about a guy who left everything in his hometown Seattle to England for his MBA.

Misha, shes a 8 year old girl who blogs, yes, 8! A little Malaysian chinese girl's life in Hong Kong.

Mary asked to blog about her again. =P This girl that I owe her a big chunk, I know la most of the songs in my playlist were downloaded by you! during your utmost busiest time of exam, you even went off and on just to send me the song when connections not right, thank kiuk!

Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb (1979)

Here goes the song in my dream, of old English goodness.


Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

Come on, now.
I hear youre feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Just a little pinprick.
Therell be no more
But you may feel a little sick.

Can you stand up?
I do believe its working. good.
Thatll keep you going for the show.
Come on its time to go.


I fell to my dream with a book in hand.

A rather gloomy evening that I was up on a hill village with a friend, I cannot remember of who he is, atmosphere something similar to The Shire in LOTR. Illuminating street lights, bars serving unlimited beers with wooden barrels. Jukebox playing soft ballads, I remember Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb. We were not at the peak of the mountain, it was said the best food's up there. We went down, set a time to comeback later for the food, and never did. I flashed my eye onto the signboard, Cameron Highlands.

Scene flashed to an ex neighbour's house, as big a mansion, huge chandeliers like the ones in Genting casino. The lastime I saw her she was not that rich, some 10 years back. Now that she said she operates the biggest perfume chain stores in the region. I tried wearing on some of the fragrances, and felt a deja vu of aroma which I never scented before, yet they feel known, citrus like.

I woke up with a pain on the neck, but at very least I stayed in a utopia for two hours, WTF.


Life was in a state of topsy-turvy the day I first plucked out "Don't Cry" which feels a little bit like the original, it was bluesy and the feeling was being soothed out by the tiny 6 piece of guitar strings.

Nothing surpasses hearing music at late night, in a hollow and hushed atmosphere, where the time you hear clearly of every note played on the record, and tend to feel the want of indulging in the moment forever, it's the time where you feel no one actually understands you better but yourself. I prefer to lit a cigarette, pour some whisky, and sometimes the same track, usually a power ballad, goes on repeating a lot of times. It's the spirit which lies within the raw adolescence of the band sound that just suited my inner development.

At times when I'm feeling all these I tend to question myself, "peoples tend to say I'm factual, am I?"

Love, is a verb.

I've always been a quiet listener to a friend of mine, who, being emotional during most of the time, spilling out stories about her shattered relationship with the boyfriend, they seem to go on and off a lot of times and yet things never changed, with the girl arguing about the boy's rather willingness to play online games than going out for a show, and the boy's complains about her being a selfish control freak. Both of them engage frequently in never ending quarrels, with either one pulling the plug by saying "okay that's enough.", hence, forget but not forgive. Problems lie domant for awhile, and follow by a deeper misunderstanding later on. The cycle goes on never ending.

Trust me I never bring up the topic for a gender debate, I hope you all will get my drift of what I'm trying to interpret here. It's moments out of time of what I've experience myself that encapsulated a lifetime's worth of hard won wisdom, and I'm still learning.

I've personally went through similar situations like this, I guess we all do, each time we quarrel we build up our own defensive walls, purpose to side on ourselves, and at best effort trying to win over, we could stand with victory over the fight, but however something which we did not realize is the shattering of the relationship. Demands of "Why can't you spend more time with me?" "Why can't you just be more affectionate?", they are often the demands in a relationship, but affection and intimacy are products of love, of mutual understanding.

Hollywood have their own definition for love, and we are all affected and our paradigm towards the subject would be something like, love is act of reciprocation, we love because we want to be loved. Love is a feeling, I feel good being with you, and I love you, to them love is a noun..

But however after my experience over some strange moments of clarity I've come to conclude that, love is a verb instead of a noun, we don't love because we wanted to be loved, instead we love because we love. It's just out of our control whether or not it will be reciprocated, and what would be my best advice to you if one day you come telling me you're having problems over relationships again and you need solution? Well I'd say, Love him.


Me: Tell me everything!

Liz: It was fun! super nice beach and food.. =P

Me: Oh, your everything is only 3 words ah?


What would you do with RM108 millions?


"Benefits Supervisor Sleeping" the name of the masterpiece by British painter Lucian Freud. The art piece, depicting a nude, obese lady lying on the sofa, was sold during an auction to Roman Abramovich, the Russian billionaire tycoon, or more commonly known as the owner of the Chelsea Football Club, at the price of USD 33.6 millions(approximately RM108 millions), set the record of the world's most expensive art piece ever sold by a living artist.

Rm108 millions, that's more than 20 Ferrari Enzo, over 70 Ferrari Modena 360, 15'000 Gibson Les Paul electric guitar, 2'000'000 books(assuming that they costs RM50 each), and 10'000'000 Big Macs, and a freaking 312,339,295,898 Indonesian rupiahs.

The one thing which really gagged me off was, the lady in the picture got paid a mere USD40 per day of posting for the painter.

Million Blog List.


This is a wiki project conducted to see how long it will take to reach 1'000'000 blogs to be listed on the site, it's said that there are around 70'000'000 blogs in the world.

Kindly list your blog and take the poll on how long you think will be needed for 1 million blogs to be listed.

This blog is listed at #1401.

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can't Stop


Can't stop addicted to the shin dig
Cop top he says I'm gonna win big
Choose not a life of imitation
Distant cousin to the reservation
Defunkt the pistol that you pay for
This punk the feeling that you stay for
In time I want to be your best friend
Eastside love is living on the westend
Knock out but boy you better come to
Don't die you know the truth is some do
Go write your message on the pavement
Burnin' so bright I wonder what the wave meant
White heat is screaming in the jungle
Complete the motion if you stumble
Go ask the dust for any answers
Come back strong with 50 belly dancers

The world I love
The tears I drop
To be part of
The wave can't stop
Ever wonder if it's all for you
The world I love
The trains I hop
To be part of
The wave can't stop
Come and tell me when it's time to

Sweetheart is bleeding in the snowcone
So smart she's leading me to ozone
Music the great communicator
Use two sticks to make it in the nature
I'll get you into penetration
The gender of a generation
The birth of every other nation
Worth your weight the gold of meditation
This chapter's going to be a close one
Smoke rings I know your going to blow one
All on a spaceship persevering
Use my hands for everything but steering
Can't stop the spirits when they need you
Mop tops are happy when they feed you
J. Butterfly is in the treetop
Birds that blow the meaning into bebop

Wait a minute I'm passing out
Win or lose just like you
Far more shocking
Than anything i ever knew
How about you
10 more reasons
Why i need somebody new just like you
Far more shocking than anything I ever knew
Right on cue

Can't stop addicted to the shin dig
Cop top he says I'm gonna win big
Choose not a life of imitation
Distant cousin to the reservation
Defunkt the pistol that you pay for
This punk the feeling that you stay for
In time I want to be your best friend
Eastside love is living on the westend
Knock out but boy you better come to
Don't die you know the truth is some do
Go write your message on the pavement
Burnin' so bright I wonder what the wave meant

Kick start the golden generator
Sweet talk but don't intimidate her
Can't stop the gods from engineering
Feel no need for any interfering
Your image in the dictionary
This life is more than ordinary
Can I get 2 maybe even 3 of these
Come from space
To teach you of the pliedes
Can't stop the spirits when they need you
This life is more than just a read thru

Whopper, a few things into one.

Of my whole flash card full of Guns N' Roses, Iron Maiden, Velvet Revolver and Buckethead.
Okay this is up just in hope of stopping Mary from merajuk *giggles* "Remember to put up my name when you mention about the songs you downloaded recently!" "I check your blog everyday one lor, no updates about me one =( " okay here it is, thanks for all you peoples who have helped me in my downloadings recently, Mary and Jwen *grins*, you both are great!

Of my enthusiasm towards Rock & Roll.
Many have asked about my passion towards the Californian 80's. How does it feel? Well each time the riff started playing on the player you feel out of context, divorced from your usual point of view, perspective skewed, it's like hearing yourself on an answering machine that speaks well on behalf of your playful character, and when the guitar solo sets in, orgasm.

Of A guy I met recently.
I'm always grateful that my work enables me to meet with all kinds of people, from all walks of life. This is a guy I met on the street, he's a migrate from Indonesia, together with his wife he came to Malaysia in search of better opportunities. They're not high grads, they don't have a cert, they will have nothing to polish a shine on the resume if they ever gonna write one, the guy works in a lamp shop and the wifey at a restaurant. He told me he's working very hard over here to save up money so he could start his own business when he goes back to Surabaya. He wants an extraordinary life.
Why people whose situation seems to be much worse strive for excellence and while we, living a better life, thinks mediocrity?

Comedies fail to deliver? A new drama for you: Malaysia Politics.
Lim Kit Siang: Let's send the Altantuya murderers to HELL!
Khairy: Aku nak tanya sama ada yang di berhormat setuju bahawa penentuan siapa masuk ke syurga atau neraka adalah ditentu oleh Tuhan?
Lim Kit Siang: Yang berhormat daripada Rembau, dia graduate daripada Oxford, dia tentu tau itu expression! itu pun tak faham? Mahu menjadi satu religious fundamentalist?!

Khairy: Project Khinzir Raksaksa, atau singkatannya, PKR..
PKR-Kulim Bndr Bharu: I minta yang berhormat supaya perkataan itu ditarik balik!
Khairy: PKR?
PAS-Pokok Sena: PBN project Babi Negara!
Khairy: Siapa babi negara?! Siapa Babi Negara?!

Speaker Of Parliament: Satu setengah jam sudah, sila sambung hari lain..
Lim Kit Siang: Satu setengah jam, 80 percent sudah dikacau orang! (continues his speech)

So the interesting drama series has no particular broadcasting channel, just type in "Malaysia Parliament" and there goes You Tube.

What says the Goose that laid Golden Eggs.

The fable is the story told about a poor farmer who discovered that his pet a goose, lays one glittering golden egg everyday. The farmer and the wife soon filled their own minds with greed and thought that they werent getting rich fast enough. Thinking the bird must be made of gold inside, they cut the goose open, but when they did, they lost everything.

The famous Aesop's fable was initially a moral teaching which put an illustration to the scene "those who want too much lose everything". However what I found slightly more interesting behind the fable is the teaching of what would eventually be named the "P/PC balance" theory by leadership guru Stephen Covey, P for production, PC for production capabilities, perhaps I'm gonna tell another story about golden eggs here, of a machines operator in a factory, he works very hard earning for a chance of promotion, and he produces at an optimum level, without downtime, no maintenance, he runs the machine twenty four hours a day. Production rate was phenomenal, and quickly he got a promotion.

Now think that he has a successor to the job, someone took over him for his old position, what he inherited a sick goose, worn out machines. He's responsible for machine replacement and all the high maintenance cost, he took all the blame and eventually got fired, his predecessor liquidated the asset, but the accounting system only reported unit production, costs and profit.

I suppose many of us are like the first machines operator, we see effectiveness from the golden egg paradigm, we see effectiveness a synonym for productivity and neglected the goose that lays golden eggs, we as an organization focus on our customers but neglected those who deal with our customers everyday, and individually us being in all kinds of relationship focus on the fruit of having an understanding parent, a trustable friend, a loving partner, an adorable child, and eventually we neglected the components which make up those strong relationships. It was said that true effectiveness lies in a balance between the goose and the golden eggs. A life pattern of too much a focus on the golden eggs often end up with losing the goose which produces golden eggs, hence, companies experience high turnover of human resources, break up in relationships, miscommunication and quarrel between family members.

I've been talking to a friend recently who just had a broke up with her boyfriend, she says "I've tried too hard, it's never gonna work, he just never grow up". Yes I understand how she felt, primarily hurting and tiring, when someone doesn't seems to change. And she gave up on the relationship. Whats to be said here is that, are we focusing too much on the golden eggs? We wanted our partners to be considerate, loving and caring, all are what we expect from a relationship, but somehow my suggestion here is that if it's never gonna work when we focus on the fruits instead of the tree, why not we try the other way? I would say that the one who puts passion in planting the tree will eventually get better fruits beared instead of keeping an eye counting how many mangoes there are on the tree.

I've came across friends who say similar things like "that guy right there is a jerk, making friends with him is a waste of time" or "I love being friends with him, he teaches me a lot." These are much said in our everyday life. We expect from friends, and as said by quaintly.net's latest entry, friendship comes cheap now days, all the self helps we tend to read come with titles such as "How to talk to anyone / Communication 101 / How to influence peoples / Speed of building friendships / Art of building your network) etc.(Names are made up by self) Do we need to read books to know how to make friends? where gone our originality? Where gone our sincerity? We shower ourselves so much with outside-in personality cosmetics, and we left aside the most fundamental component which builds friendships on a solid ground, our character. I even came across books such as "Speed of building up trust" What says here is that, how can we build up trust if our intention is to build up trust? Even if we do it won't be based on a solid foundation.

We see everything as a trade now, from young as kids we acted good infront of our parents so we would get more rewards from them or to show we are more adorable than our siblings, teenagers we make friends in order to show people we have a vast social circle, adults we love because we expect to be loved, in return. That answers why our birds ain't delivering golden eggs no more.

(Story of machine operators picked from Stephen R Covey - The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People).

Buckethead - Soothsayer.


No nonsense, it's plain guitar solo, the firstime I listened, I experienced sort of a trigger of emotions, tears dropped.

Note: You might have to wait for the player to load, it's kinda slow.

Dude, remember your origin.

"I did't know he's such a Chinaman"

"What's wrong in being a Chinaman?"

I grown up being influenced by the western cultures, watched tons of what we call "gwai lou" movies, read their books, Rock & Roll music, dreamed to be a rock star, and still I always find substance each time I dig into my own culture, things like when I watch a really good movie(The last one I really liked being Andy Lau's Protege) or NatGeo channel episodes regarding the Mainland, I always take pride being originated from a race with 5000 years of written history.

Certainly you will find huge distinctive differences between the "Dragon" culture and California greatness, I'm happy that in a sense, I embraced both of them pretty well.

Hope you're alright.

It happened in a random afternoon when I got out of the train and was waiting for the shuttle bus at the bus stand, sat down beside a guy, took out my book and read, while stuffing my ear with some kinda emo triggering guitar piece.

The guy, he has that kind of emotion hanging on his face, depressed, tension, fear, low self esteem, insecurity, whatever you might call that. Besides him were all his luggage and one piece of them I recognized I supposed was his pair of sandals inside the plastic bag, the young looking guy seemed homeless. There he was holding a note book of a palm's size, G2 ink pen writing with full of emotions. The seats were made of two long metal railings, half of the space occupied by him and his luggage.

Suddenly he turned to me and said "Why are you disturbing me?" "Are you looking for a fight?" At first I was just not sure of his mumblings as I have my headset on, and he repeated the sentences in a louder tone, his body stiffing. "I'm waiting for a bus also don't you see?". In a harsh tone he said "You fucker peoples, leave me alone! Don't come near me, I'm dying and why can't you all leave me alone?!" and there he swung the notebook towards me and it hit really hard on my face, I wiped blood from my lips, again he said "Fuck off you peoples!" . I'm sure the guy I could beat him hands down if a fight was on, somehow something inside him kept me from doing that, he has mental problems, he needed help, I walked away in a silent.

I stood outside of the porch, still paying attention on his actions, his body still stiffed, hands shaking, continued writing on what I supposed was his suicide note. What came to mind that time was just something like "The guy right there needed help" despites of the pain on my bleeding lips. I went back to him. "Are you gonna disturb me again?" "No I'm here to ask if there's anything I can help you with? Are you okay?" And slowly I sitted beside him and started listening to whatever he has to spill. I cannot remember clearly of what he says, but he said something like he worked for politicians and he's over pressured and he has brain damage and kidney failures, and his brother once called the police and forced him into mental hospital. We went into the same bus, he stopped writing and he's more relaxed and he started to say things in a slower pace.

Before he get down the bus he said he's gonna look for some simple job and tries to live without worries, my last words to him were "I hope you're okay now, and feels better, God bless you."

By the way, through his way of talking, I found out later that the guy has mental illness, I'm in a sense of relief and feel happy that I did not take aggresion.

Midnight rant.

Recently out of no reason I just like to keep my entries short and simple, still hoping they will be able to channel my thoughts.

I went online and browsed through the contact list, and got my eye over a title shout out that says:"omg... my eng sux". For a moment i thought, "friend, I smell a sense of arrogance within you."

Vocabs used here are simple, as long as anyone who reads feel aligned;
My chords and playings are simple too, as long as anyone who hears feel me when my guitar weeps.

Pictures convey preferences.

Metal stay always on the TOP.


Take a picture of a glass,
turn the camera out of focus and use a distorting lens.
Then ask people, "What's that?"
They will answer, "it's a picture of a glass."


Take another picture of the same glass.
Don't put it out of focus and don't distort it.
Make it normal.
Then ask people, "What's that?"
They will answer, "It's a glass."

All credits go to "Whatever You Think, Think The Opposite" by Paul Arden.

tagged by baby.

1. At what age do you wish to marry?

2.What will you do when you feel really emo?
Listen to Guns N' Roses and getting fucked up by alcohols.

3. Who is your idol?
Sam Walton, George Soros, Michael Jordan, Slash, John Frusciante.

4. Where is the place that you want to go most?

5. If you have one dream to come true, what would it be?
Unlimited supply of oils, save the world.

6. What is the purpose of your life?
Be influential.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most right now?
My baby, other than that I have nothing to lose.

8. What cheers you up for the rest of the day?
Inspirational books.

9. If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her?
Why not?

10. List out three good things of the person who tagged you.
Fat, so she can always help me finish my food =)
Caring, I've never met someone like you, I'm grateful.
And loving me as part of the family.

11.What type of person do you hate the most?
egoistic and arrogant dickheads.

12. What would you do if you won a million dollars?
Multiply the million to a billion.

13. What is your ambition?
To be able to play like Slash, hah.

14. What will you do if you got rejected by someone you like?
Never once, so no such thing as a what if.

15. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
My spending habits.

16. What is your favourite colour?

17. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?

18. If there’s one thing in your life you want to do but yet unable to, what would it be?
Driving around town with a Ferrari, (UNABLE for now only)

19. What would you do if tomorrow was the last day of the world?
hug my baby to death.

20. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Sincere, loving, caring, confident, the corporate type.

Guns N' Roses - Don't Cry.

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Somethin's changin' inside you
And don't you know

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we had...baby

And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
And please remember
that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby

And don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry