DEAR AH BENG : I think my neighbour's a terrorist

Dear Ah Beng,

I think, hor, my next door neighbour may be a terrorist.

He wears a big pampers on his head and some more, his beard long-long one.

I keep trying to spy on him, try to eavesdrop on his conversations by putting a glass against my wall, intercept his mail, but so far got nothing. Still, I am convinced that his beard must mean he is up to no good. Because, hor, when you watch TV or go cinema see show that time, the bad person always got beard.

What should I do? I very scared wait my MRT kena bomb. Worse, this may make my neighbourhood property price drop.

What should I do? I very scared, leh.

Chao Kay Poh

Dear Kay Poh,

Eh, not say I say what, hor, but you cannot anyhow stereotype people, okay!

Just because a person has a beard and a turban does not mean he is a terrorist! He could be a jaga, or a hockey player or chapatti cook!

Eh, you foreign talent or what? Cannot tell the difference between a bhai and a bomber!

We cannot anyhow discriminate peepur, you know!

I also empathise greatly with my Muslim friends. They all si beh cham, one. So many Singaporeans think they are Muslim only means they are terrorist. Again, I say: how can stereotype them like that? They could also be chauffeur, dispatch clerk or satay seller, mah!

Remember, we Chinese peepur also face stereotype and discrimination. Peepur think we wear singlet, got spiky dyed hair, wear slipper, squat in shopping centre and swear in Hokkien only means we must be Ah Beng! How can anyhow say we Ah Beng? We could also be Samseng, Pai Kiah, or Orh Sia Huay one, mah!

But having said all that, I think so that as citizens, we must also be on the lookout for potential terrorists. But must lookout for the right kind of signs, mah! Beard alone is not a confirmed sign.

So what are proper signs? For exampur, if he use a video camera a lot.

But must use your brain a bit, lah! Just because he use video camera doesn't mean he's a terrorist. Must see what he shoot, mah!

If he is videoing MRT station, nearby army camp or maybe community centre, then I think so you should immeelly call the police.

But if he only use the video to tape peepur having sex, or to shoot secret chao kng panty shots, then he is not a terrorist. He is a pervert. In which case, you should NOT call the police.

Instead, you should let my kakis at the Chap Sar Tiam Secret Society know, so we can go and copy his tapes and make dirty VCDs to sell at bus interchange. Of course, you will get a bit of commission, lah.


Ah Beng.

Taken from
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