All Things Considered.
the moments i decided to write a memoir of myself i actually started mulling over all the past experiences, as detailed as it could be, of sure my life didnt end here, it rather serve a milestone of where i came in and what ive become over the years. i hope it serve as a reference too of what i would become later.
i looked out to the balcony for one final time and realized actually how much i loved the scenic view that captures the eye, each time being out there you have something like a "ground-at-your-feet" feel at a perfect height at 16th floor, the only thing which gave an equal match to that kind of above all ego was the mountain facing you, it's huge, and everytime you look out, everything else just seems too small to be brought into the league, you see a vast green on day time, illuminating yellow twinkles at night, and the best hour was when twilight sets in. im not usually one who writes about whats with my balcony, however its just a place operated whenever the lung hungers, but you know the feeling when you leave, it just sucked. ive move quite alot of times in my life, i just hated the feel, i hate to leave a place where i feel comfortable with, a place where i seek refuge, and i hated it when i have to pack my stuffs and realized i couldn't bring along everything with me each time i shift, even the trash seems memorable, like a used pen, atleast they wrote my lecture notes when i was still in college.
im that type of person, like recently i just sold my three year old plus desktop to a friend of mine, it was a wise move since he offered a decent price, but like i said even a used pen help wrote my lecture notes. i still feel a sting to the heart, it was one of mama's most expensive gift and delivered during her 55th b'day, yea she bought me a gift during her b'day. it's not long before the comp became my most treasured asset at that time, i stored inside all the pictures taken throughout the years, plus a 3k plus songs in the playlist which I named it "the hall of fame", and ill change the wallpaper atleast once in a week. i loved it so much, i started playing dota at home, online games made easier and i didnt need to stay in the cafe for long hours anymore, theres even once i got so addicted to online gaming and i actually stayed in the cafe for more than 24 hours.
i love to play dota, throughout the years ive came to know that whatever emotional expressions you have in the game shouldnt be brought into real life. ive got into fights, quarrels(we'll come back to that just abit later), just because of the game. i still do, but im matured enough now to keep everything in the game, i put all my emotions into the game when i play, i yell, i swear, and thats the only time you see the wild me besides when i was drunk. its been nearly four years since then.
rock n' roll is a part of life, im always being superficial when asked something like "heard of rihanna's new song yet?" or "did you know david cook won ai?" i didnt even know who rihanna was, and i didnt know david cook either before the headlines came out on almost every major press announcing the new ai winner, but so far if i ever come across him on the street, ill never recognize him. my world is all about rock n roll, what the general public defined as "loud music". im a dedicated lifetime fan of guns n' roses, i loved their works in the 80's. power ballads performed by the rock n roll bands are my version of love songs, in fact, they are really filled with emotions. one of the greatest factor which lead me to like rock n roll was, their music is always genuine, the majority of peoples like pop, and thats what makes alot of scum bags going into the industry just for the buck. rock bands do music because of music. my ear foods are guns n' roses, led zeppelin, pink floyd, iron maiden, and for softer ones i prefer lost prophets, matchbox 20. dislike linkin park. i just didnt have a taste of their music, they call themselves a fusion, pioneering the rapcore culture, but id say theyre more a rehash to the originals instead.
i like to write, but oftentimes i just feel a lack of muse, i could type at a breakneck speed when chemistry between the brain cells are in place, when theyre not, i can stare blankly at the screen and nothing would come out, ive come to learn that my prime time was somewhere in between midnight and the wee hours. And believe me i actually type this whole damn thing in 20 minutes, never bother to check for type or grammatical errors again, ill just let it be, and come back to it much later in hoping to see an improvement in self.
the me everyone came to know was not the me earlier, contrary to the present, i wasnt one who reads, let alone speak english, i grew up in a rather pro chinese background and i just started to pick things up much later. i remember i couldnt even make right my grammar the firstime i use icq, i typed with my two index fingers, they hovered for quite a few seconds to find an alphabet. and a few years earlier alot of peoples who didnt know me better asked how many As i got in spm, i didnt answer, but i can tell you all here that i flunked six out of nine subjects during the trials, the three passes were the three language subjects, being english, bm and chinese. however those who know me better they didnt even ask, they need not to.
things dont always come the easy way, life sometimes have to take you through the hard road, but ive came to learn that we are responsible for our emotional reactions toward matters, we can actually choose to be happy or angry, its of countless falls that encapsulated this hardwon skill, i actually dont have alot of wits, but im willing to learn in accordance to subjects i favour. im not one who easily gives up, i often tell peoples that if the sky were to fall ill be the last one standing, its not of my ego, its of self confidence i said this, and i didnt bornt with alot of self confidence either, i was actually a timid one when i was a kid, life goes on once and again to humble me when my ego seems to be overboard. and there are times when death was so close(we'll come abck to that later) and it actually makes me realized how much life worths, and im glad that everyday i wake up i still have the guts to take on the high road.
(To be continued...)
